Check out Checkout Condoms!

Pleasure. Fruity. Extra safe.

Do you remember when you were a nipper in the supermarket with your ma and how you knew to nag her extra hard for a chocolate bar at the checkout where other mas and the cashiers could bear witness to the charade, to the embarrassment, to your ma most likely caving in to the pressure so as not to look cheap or cruel? And do you remember all the other nippers doing the same to their mas there at the checkout? And then there was some change or other brought in that ensured that supermarkets could no longer stock chocolate bars and such right by the checkouts. And all the sugar-craved kids whined and pouted and folded their arms and said it wasn’t fair. And all the mas in the world breathed a sigh of relief.

Fast-forward to 2024 in a supermarket in a quaint Romanian village. A blazing sun burns holes in the pavement outside. In among the refrigerated aisles, though, it’s nice and cool. So, what do they stock at the checkouts in the current year? Bits and bobs. The odd chocolate bar even. Razor blades. Men, hipsters excluded, do need razor blades. And men, don’t you know, are always going into supermarkets and forgetting to buy blades. They’ve heads like sieves. But what else is stocked at the checkouts in the current year? What is the overwhelming item there at the checkout that comes in every colour of the rainbow? Flavours too. Condoms.

Condoms. Pleasure. Fruity. Extra safe. It seems that as important as basic male grooming is, sterilization is deemed more so. Live your life your way, which is our way. Be creative, but don’t you dare create! Did you ever muddle over the whole concept of condom sales? The manufacturing of them by the round-the-clock, in-your-face marketing is at odds with itself. It goes one further than medical malpractice killing the customer in that it blots out a whole host of future ones. Yes, there are hardly any children at the checkouts these days asking for treats. Soon, what with life’s essence being packaged down into pleasure, fruitiness and safety, there will be hardly any children to be seen anywhere in quaint towns like this one.

Don’t forget to buy your box of condoms, sir. In fact, why not buy two, or three, you know, just to be on the safe side?! Do you have a club card? Excellent. Just swipe it here so we can know more about you than we already do. Sure it’s the Information Age after all. By the way, do you want a receipt? Yes, you’re right. Only the crackpots look for receipts. The crackpots don’t give a damn about the trees and the planet. Not like us faceless corporations. Us greyers of green. Anyway, enjoy yourself, sir. Carpe diem and all that. At the end of the day we’re only slaving away here until they figure out how to upload our consciousnesses to the cloud, aren’t we? And they will. They’ll crack that chestnut sooner or later. No soul will be left behind either. Ok, sir, thank you for shopping at Nondescript Supermarket. Thank you for your purchase. And, sir, sir, before you go, please, please…cum again!